date
I have a date tonight. I've wanted this guy to talk to me for a while. And he finally did and asked me out. And he seems fascinated about me too. But I'm no longer fascinated about him. He's turned out to be the complete opposite of what I saw in him.
Lately this is happening a lot to me. Seems as if I'm really not good at telling what a person's character is. Damn.
This is also the reason why I've been very down lately. Frankly, old wounds were torn open after this incident with the canadian guy. Yeah, he disappointed me in the end. And it was also my fault. Years ago I made an experience with a former boyfriend, whom I had loved very much. I was not even in love with this guy, but I liked him. And he gave me the feeling as if he liked me too. It was harmless, meaningless, pointless. Suddenly all the memories were back again and I acted accordingly - out of my mind. No wonder I was pushed back although all I wanted was talk. Did I scare him? He had told me that he once had a stalker. Did he not care? Then why the long hug and the nice words before he took off? Is he regretting it? I don't know. Some of all maybe.
*sigh*
So I'm having this date tonight and I absolutely don't want to go. On the other hand I know I have to go. Just so I won't miss anything. Just so I won't sit at home all night. Just so I'll give someone the chance to make me laugh and feel better. I really want to feel better.
I got up at 9am this morning and didn't eat anything until the afternoon. I completely forgot to eat. This is not like me at all. Not even in my deepest pain did I forget to eat! Once I had some food it went right through via express into canalisation. No hunger, no appetite, digestion sucks and I just want to sleep or numb myself infront of the TV.
I know what this sounds like. Sounds like it's time for some ass kicking! Time to meet friends, go out, laugh, celebrate whatever and heal. Let the old wounds heal, only remember the good times spent.
The human brain is programmed to filter out traumatic memories, drama and pain, isn't it. When is my brain going to kick in and heal my heart? Instead it brings awareness to all the things that remind me of these guys. Things they have told me. For example that many movies are shot where this guy has been living all his life. I was at a movie last night and guess what!? It was partly filmed right there. Then his name keeps following me around (in that very movie and elsewhere). It's a nightmare and I'm the psycho haunting myself. lol
Time to go back to work.
Lately this is happening a lot to me. Seems as if I'm really not good at telling what a person's character is. Damn.
This is also the reason why I've been very down lately. Frankly, old wounds were torn open after this incident with the canadian guy. Yeah, he disappointed me in the end. And it was also my fault. Years ago I made an experience with a former boyfriend, whom I had loved very much. I was not even in love with this guy, but I liked him. And he gave me the feeling as if he liked me too. It was harmless, meaningless, pointless. Suddenly all the memories were back again and I acted accordingly - out of my mind. No wonder I was pushed back although all I wanted was talk. Did I scare him? He had told me that he once had a stalker. Did he not care? Then why the long hug and the nice words before he took off? Is he regretting it? I don't know. Some of all maybe.
*sigh*
So I'm having this date tonight and I absolutely don't want to go. On the other hand I know I have to go. Just so I won't miss anything. Just so I won't sit at home all night. Just so I'll give someone the chance to make me laugh and feel better. I really want to feel better.
I got up at 9am this morning and didn't eat anything until the afternoon. I completely forgot to eat. This is not like me at all. Not even in my deepest pain did I forget to eat! Once I had some food it went right through via express into canalisation. No hunger, no appetite, digestion sucks and I just want to sleep or numb myself infront of the TV.
I know what this sounds like. Sounds like it's time for some ass kicking! Time to meet friends, go out, laugh, celebrate whatever and heal. Let the old wounds heal, only remember the good times spent.
The human brain is programmed to filter out traumatic memories, drama and pain, isn't it. When is my brain going to kick in and heal my heart? Instead it brings awareness to all the things that remind me of these guys. Things they have told me. For example that many movies are shot where this guy has been living all his life. I was at a movie last night and guess what!? It was partly filmed right there. Then his name keeps following me around (in that very movie and elsewhere). It's a nightmare and I'm the psycho haunting myself. lol
Time to go back to work.
posted by -t- @ 16:58
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home